How I struggle to be unapologetically myself

Gabrielle Koster

Although, you might not think so, I sometimes struggle to be me. To be unapologetically myself.

My name is Gabriëlle. I’m blond, vegan, Christian, feminist, animal lover, anti-fur ‘activist’, spiritual being and work as an editor, Instagrammer and blogger that doesn’t watch series or television, isn’t interested in celebrities, listens to the Backstreet Boys a little too often and worked in the magazine industry for 7 years. Now, in a world like the one we live in, that is great material for a whole lot of prejudice. Apart from not fitting in one box (hów can you be a blonde, cute outfit wearing, Instagramming feminist?) all of the things above are basically not widely accepted everywhere. And because I’m the way I am for a long time (for example, I stopped eating meat when I was 14 and held high school lectures about fur, while wearing high heels), I learned – the hard way – that it was best to not express myself too much.

Vegan/feminist/spiritual/animal rights activist

The older I got and the more accepted and common (and, dare I say it –  ‘cool’!) it got to be vegan/feminist/spiritual/animal rights activist, the more I expressed those things. But still, I usually only talk when people ask. And of course, lots of things will come to surface in daily life (like the way I eat) – or will be visible on Instagram or my blog, because for some reason that’s easier than to tell people who you are and what you do face to face when you first meet them. But because I know how harsh people can be about each other, I very often choose to remain silent about some of the things I stand for. The older I get, the more uncomfortable that makes me.

Be unapologetically you

I decided that my mission for the coming years would be: being unapologetically myself in a society that adores conformity. Being even more comfortable with myself. And to stop caring what people would think of that or to think of the awful things they would say about me. And not judging myself for finding this difficult. It’s human nature to want to be accepted by others.

Being comfortable in my own skin

I might not be sexy, but I’m soft, open minded and caring. I’m not a rocket scientist, but I shake the world in my own gentle way. I’m not super skinny, but my body is strong. I might not know everything, but I’m willing to learn. I value serious conversations, but laugh my but off at silly memes. I laugh at my own clumsiness, I’m trying to accept the fact that I can be a smart ass, I love how my genuine smile is everything but picture perfect, I accept my eczema spots and my gummy smile, I think it’s hilarious how I sing like a bird (a dying one…), I’m content with the way I’m build and admire the way my body functions and I’ve accepted the fact that I’m very sensitive and am afraid to fail. I vowed to myself that I would never photoshop my cellulite or other ‘imperfections’ out of my pictures. Real is so much better, in my opinion. And that’s something I value a lot in life: realness.

And to make this decision, is an act of self love. Something that I think is so very important. To accept yourself and to be who you are, without any masks. I wont deny it, I’m afraid to post and share this. Afraid of the horrible thoughts people will have and the mean things they will say. But it’s (how ironic) a step forward in being unapologetically myself. So there we go. ‘Publish’.